There are a lot of things that change when you become a new mum.
SO MANY CHANGES.
Most of them you expect, like changes in routine and a new lack of sleep, but some things happen that literally no one told you about. You never expected to be doing them, and yet here you are…
1 – Swaying On The Spot
When you hold your baby, you tend to sway on the spot. You rock them and swing them around – either to get them to fall asleep or just to play a little. Sometimes these movements are small and calm, and other times they are large and energetic.
And sometimes they happen when you’re not even holding your baby…
It’s like some cruel form of muscle memory that makes you look either slightly odd, like you are trying to escape the conversation, or desperately need to go to the toilet.
You might even take this a step further by rocking or swaying with an inanimate object. Or bouncing the bouncer while the baby isn’t in it. Or moving your leg like you’re bouncing the bouncer, even when you’re not near it…
2 – Baby Babble
Everyone does it when they come face-to-face with a baby. You raise the pitch of your voice, use sounds that aren’t real words, and shake your head from side to side, all while ‘communicating’ with the tiny, adorable baby in front of you. Half the time this will morph into actual words when you have something to actually say, and you’re suddenly talking real talk but in the baby-talk fashion.
Except that sometimes it’s not the baby in front of you. It’s the kettle, or the washing, or the pet. You somehow continue on with this baby-talk with things that aren’t babies. Heck, sometimes there isn’t even anything there and you’re using baby-talk in your own head.
3 – Your Breasts Are No Longer Private Property
If you’re breastfeeding, you probably know this one quite well. For those of us who were previously protective of our breasts, not letting just anyone touch or see them, it kind of goes out the window.
You now have a tiny human who uses your breasts for their sole nutrient supply. Granted, that is their exact and only real purpose.
So now you whip out those boobies whenever bub demands a feed, and you no longer care who sees them. You might stay private for a while (or for some women, forever), and retreat to another room to feed. But likely you reach a point where you just don’t want to retreat, you’re out in public, or you don’t want to leave the first adult conversation you’ve had in who knows how long. So out comes boob, on goes bub, and if you happened to be exposed in between – oh well.
You might even find yourself in a situation that’s a step beyond this.
You actually invite people to touch your breasts. No, seriously – feel how hard they are when they’re engorged, and how squishy they are after a feed (yes, yes, there’s a dick joke there…).
4 – Poop Talk
You never realised before how incredibly often you could talk about another person’s poop.
I guess a part of it is the sheer frequency of poop experiences you now have. A newborn can have 10 or more poops a day. A DAY. And someone’s gotta deal with it all.
So of course it’s on your mind, and you can’t help but talk about it. With everyone you see. No matter where you are, what you’re doing, or what you’re currently eating. Particularly when it’s a poo-splosion, or smelt really bad, or was a funny colour.
What have you noticed you do now that you’re a parent that is completely unexpected?